Forget about the Forbidden City and the Summer Palace:Jiajingdu Imperial Banquet offers the closest interactive glimpse into the lives一and under the sheets一of China’sancient ruling elite

    “This month is not good,”said Oceans Eleven,the owner of Beijing’s most interacive restaurant,citing visa complexities for the subdued atmosphere. “But next month will be very busy.”This ostentatious glutton’s paradise will be booked solid from their clients both overseas and domestic.We had the place to ourelves,and it was spectacular.

    “Ah, I’m really in China, now,” our host exclaimed as he puffed on his Double Happiness, citing his goal to ameliorate the shock that many visitors face when they confusedly arrive in this city of smog-shrouded concrete,expecting the Middle Kingdom to berife with babbling brllks and pointy hats.

    Oceans Eleven explained that although Peking duck is prolific throughout the capital, no places exist that offer a triangulation of the historical environment, culture and cuisine. Solution? You do it yourself. “This is Imperial culture-all of the details of Ming Imperial family culture,” said Oceans Eleven.

    Jiajingdu Imperial Banquet (now known as The Kingdom of Ming Dynasty in Englis) opened in March 2007. Oceans Eleven, along with his partner James Bond, consulted with a fengshui expert to create an authentic time capsule of Mingera elegance for their mostly-foreign clientele.

    The aptly-named team have an astounding eye for detail:Very few anachronisms exist in this 16^th century throwback. The restaurant’s namesake, Emperor Jiajing, the 11^th Ming emperor, was known as the “Playboy Emperor.”

 

    “It’s like eating at a museum,” a writer commented, gazing skyward at the green and gold handpainted ceiling.

    Surrounding the main seating area are slew of themed private rooms that replicate certain uses of the old palace, our favorite being the lascivious Imperial sexual culture nook. In the cozy “romper room,” one may perch upon plush cushions and gaze at frescos of the ancients, who are depicted in a variety of erotic, lush-inducing and quite graphic positions.(Ceramic figuurines of all said acts are on display and for sale, should you need some encouragement.)

    One can dine in empress’s bedroom with ancient Chinese clothes which guests are encouraged to don. There’s the gift-giving room as well, perfect for birthday parties, with the shou character (longevity) repeated in all its numbered forms.

Upon exiting the washrooms, also adorned with depictions of suplle, pink thighs and ass cheeds grinding against one another-thatches of ebony pues glistening with sweat-the blushing attendant will pour water on your hands into a bronze bowl.

    An elevated platform rests in the center of the main dining area-plump goldfish swim underneath-where gowned gals with traditional stringed instruments (the guzheng and pipa) cascade delicate notes that, if requested, can be tailored to guests’ sensibilities-including cover songs of contemporary acts (“Freebird,” anyone?). The Monkey King, Chinese opera, acrobatics and a face-changing mask act are part of the tuoupe’s repertoire, as well.

 

    In addition to the large cast of performers, many of whom are students from the Performing Arts College, oncubines are also on hand to entertain.“Every night for the emperor is big trouble,”laughed Oceans Eleven as he displayed the sticks that the original playboys used to indulge in their enviable decadence. “Each concubine had a number,” he explained. The emperor would simply hold up the corresponding stick, and she’d come at his will.(But now they simply come over with the menu.)

    The process of ordering, like everything else in their meticulously reconstructed fantasyland, is a nod to the duo’s impeccable historical knowledge. One orders via unfurling an old scroll, choosing from one of three set menus. We chose the Northern China culinary experience: heavy meats bursting with strong flavor, doused in thick sauces. (Other menu options cater to the needs of weak-stomached foreigners.)

    Oceans Eleven explained that Imperial cuisine refers to the best food that the country has to offer-suitable only for emperors and their royal flocks. An attendant, clad in period garb, presented our party with two ducks and asked us to choose the gender: we chose the female-it had more fat and was apparently better for men-and were invited to mark it as our own to distinguish it from the others. Our strokes were accomplished via a smear of grease before being cooked in a aspecial oven that is stoked exclusively with fruitwood.

    The attendant bowed and backed out of the room.

    These actors demonstrate how they would have served the emperor in the past. “You’re the emperor here ,”said Oceans Eleven. “We treat every guest like an emperor or empress.” Upon his return, the attendant called from outside the room several times before we gave him permission to enter. He kowtowed and refused to rise until we gave him permission in an archaic Manduin dialect, spoken like true imperial folk, to take our orders.

    If issuing orders is your thing, we recommend the curbside sedan chair service.

 

    More calls from outside our dining chamber, and in came the food. Scrupulously-arranged dishes of pumpkin, imperial chicken cooked with baijiu (spectacular),chicken soups, steamed Mandarin fish, platters of waxberries, dates and giant shrimp cloaked in spicy sauce. Our attendant hollered again from beyond the door, and entered when given permission to present our duck-its mark still evident through the apricot-colored sheen.

    A trio of songstresses poured in and sang traditional folk songs. One of them, a former manager at the Henan Opera, sang a piece from her home province, while another tackled one from the renowned Anhui-based Huangmei school of opera.

 

    And did we mention the liquor?

    Emperor Jiajing preferred isolation. The lifelong Daoist moved his residence outside the Foridden City, gave incompetent cronies the keys to the kingdom and chose to spend his time dabbling in a nice cornucopia of alchemy and sexual experimentation-even attempting to prolong life with the bodies of his female companions.

    Jiajing woule have loved the house drinks: Homemade liquors infused with Chinese medicine that promise to “improve men’s sexual ability” and another that aims to “promote ladies’sexual desire.”

    “The recipes came from sacred old books,” said Oceans Eleven, indicating that the almost-empty ten-gallon tank, No.1 of 9, was the most popular. “It really works!”

    We tried them all-except the “Zhougong Dream Liquor” that promises to “relax your body and mood, and to get a nice dream.”

    After the meal, Oceans Eleven staggered orut and left us alone with the opera girls. Smart decision? Jiajing survived a nocturnal assassination attempt when the palace girls grew tired of his hedonistic cruelty and tred to strangle him with a lace garrote.

    Our experience was so genuine, we weren’t taking any chance.

 

Set menus range from 199-399 RMB per person. For 999 RMB/person,expect the works.

Daily Shows: 7:30-9:00pm.Reservations? Yes.

No.8 Hot Spring Chamber, Chaoyang Park West Gate

6591-8008

11am-10:30pm